THINGS A DOG MUST REMEMBER (joke)

[Prairie_Gurl]

THINGS A DOG MUST REMEMBER:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I should not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, either before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to be sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. When at the beach, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. no matter how good they smell.
9. Kitty box crunches, although tasty, are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them after processing, in the back yard.
11. The nappy bin is not a cookie jar.
12. My humans' toothbrushes are for the exclusive use of my humans. If they want me to have one, they'll get me one.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, so that when I throw up, my people will not assume I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down on rainy days.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17. The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. To avoid having a string hang out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage.
22. I will not consider rolling around in the dirt a necessity first thing after getting a bath.
23. I will remember that sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way to greet visitors.
24. I will not fart in my owner's face while I am sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
25. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
26. I will not consider the toilet bowl a magical, never-ending water supply, in spite of clear evidence that it is.
27. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
28. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room, and is thus to be avoided. Except when in-laws are here.
29. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
30. Even though he's too chicken to come on Sundays, the mailman WILL be back and I'll have another shot at him.

[Guest Anonymous]

:lol: :lol: I should print this out for Hazel!!
'Pecially this one:

[quote]The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. [/quote]

[Prairie_Gurl]

lol. Talk about it! Shadow needs to know just about all of um!!

[Malamum]

Love it!!! Gave me a good giggle :lol:

I can definitely relate to quite a few of those

[courtnek]

:D :D :D

LOL

My dogs need to learn all of them! Except the cat one - my cat wont let them make him squeak - if they try - he exacts a horrible judgement...

[DogPaddle]

:lol: :lol: :lol:
[quote]My dogs need to learn all of them! Except the cat one - my cat wont let them make him squeak - if they try - he exacts a horrible judgement...[/quote]
My cats are fully armed (have their claws.) When Kavik was younger he had a permanent red dot on the tip of his nose - Mroo has good aim.

[Ickle]

Excellent . :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ickle

[Rosebud]

:lol: Great laugh.

I think my ridgies are finally learning the doorbell thing. Need more practice with crotch-sniffing and severly pout over the toilet bowl (which I leave down).


:angel:

[snowdogs]

:lol: This is too funny. I laughed the whole time. So true

[luckychaos]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Hey would it be possible to teach all these to dogs? :D